Disclaimer: This event happened to Cowboy and I this past weekend. This is very “dark” and not like my usual upbeat posts. I am sharing in hopes to help all my friends become more aware of life events which can possibly become dangerous. You will understand that this post must be vague as I cannot go into details nor would want to. Cowboy and I are safe and were not harmed.
Friday was just an ordinary day. Cowboy and I were headed back to the farm after picking up hay and simply talking about all the chores we needed to do. I was anxious for us to spread the fire ant granules. Cowboy was ready to put salt blocks in the pastures. I was planning on cleaning, reading a good book and making sure our flowerbeds got needed water. We discussed cooking hotdogs. We were already enjoying our weekend.
I felt the hit as my body lunged forward and then backwards. I never have been in a car wreck in my entire life, but instantly was jolted forward thinking, “Oh, this is what it feels like”. Before Cowboy and I had time to even decide if we were hurt the car that hit us sped up and passed us and I commented to Cowboy that I thought the person was not going to stop. Eventually the car pulled over as the hood was pushed into the windshield and began smoking. The car turned into parking lot of a small town business. We thought the person might be hurt because the car was so crushed. We exited our truck as Cowboy checked on the person while I called 911. While talking to 911 I was watching very carefully. A nice young couple with two little children pulled up. They had been behind the driver’s car and were worried the individual might be hurt. A few minutes later I saw Cowboy walk to the highway and flag down a law enforcement officer. The officer turned around and came to tell Cowboy he was from another county and just passing through and he proceeded to phone in the accident. The young couple left after the officer arrived. Cowboy was with the person who was trying to find his driver’s license. The airbags had gone off in his car so “the person” was focused on going through car. We were parked next to the car so cowboy decided to move our truck. I had just finished call with 911.
In a split second I heard the gun shot. I was now pulled into a horrific violent act. The terror was instant. I was the closest and automatically intimately drawn into a gut-wrenching violence that no one should be a part of. The person immediately pulled me into his dark world and I could not get out. I was witness to the ending of this stranger’s life. (The man who hit us) In one second I heard the gun blast and the next minute he was dead and and I was witness to the horror of it all. An unwilling guest at his suicide.
For several hours I just went through the motions while my head re-played everything over and over. I had Cowboy, very nice law enforcement officers, EMTs and a really compassionate police chaplain, but I had already entered into my own private anguish. All it takes is a spit second to change your life forever. It will be added to my life book and it is not a chapter I would wish on anyone.
My weekend was spent going through the motions of life. I cleaned, watered garden, fed the animals and watched some HGTV. I am supposed to go on with a normal life, aren’t I? My brain, however, was like a 20’s silent horror movie with the reel playing over and over and over. I want to make it stop. I know in time this horrific event will fade, but this person chose to impact me and my life. I think I am going through the classic feelings: scared, sad, mad, lots of tears. I cry for “the person” and I cry for me. I have been asking the question “why me”? I am not much on having a pity party so that means I must resolve this soon.
I never really thought much about having a guardian angel. I think Cowboy and I might just have one; someone who loved us very much. What were the chances that Cowboy would actually find a law enforcement officer in such a tiny town? The young couple left with their two little ones which was a huge blessing. Would things have been different for Cowboy and me if there had not been an officer with us? The thought is agonizing that we might have ended up victims. Many of the officers expressed that indeed maybe we really were lucky. I am so humbled to be able to continue living life. I will try to make it count.
What now? Cowboy and I are a little banged up physically. Mentally, cowboy is fine. Me… it is going to take some time. My brain is filled with things no one should ever have to experience and I will be the first to admit it is very hard. I am strong and eventually I will be the same person I was earlier on Friday and I will be able to lock the nightmares out. Maybe I can do it myself and maybe I will need a professional to talk to. Either way everything will be better in time.
Why did I feel the need to share this with you? I cannot say that Cowboy and I would have done anything different. I will say I had a very uneasy feeling when I felt the person was not going to stop after hitting us. I continued to feel uneasy; although we were so worried about the person being hurt that may have altered any negative feelings I might have had. I also was in a public parking lot which felt better than being on deserted road. Best of all we had an officer on site. He was our ultimate blessing. Maybe a red flag should have gone up when the person was so pre-occupied going through his car. This person was calm. Had he been a raging person yelling and scary- Cowboy and I would have hit the road and called 911 from the beginning. We are not stupid. I guess what I want you to know is never let your guard down. Keep focused. What seems simple may not be. We all are taught to stop for an accident, but no one teaches us signs that might indicate we or others could be in danger. In the future I will never be in accident and NOT call 911. If we had not called 911 and not flagged down an officer it might have been a game changer for Cowboy and me.
For me, to share this is the beginning of my healing process. I hope that sharing this with friends can make you a little safer and a little more aware. Life is good, but it may throw you some curves and you need to be prepared. Nothing ever could have prepared us for this really dreadful event, but in the future I may look at things such as such as car wreck with greater caution.
Today I look to up the sky and give thanks to the person who “might” just be our guardian angel. Just maybe they helped in arranging for the officer to appear at just the right time. I am holding to that thought as it is the only part of the story that can give me comfort.